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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28193163">Coffee &amp; Cigarettes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/espers770/pseuds/espers770'>espers770</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SPY x FAMILY (Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Family, Family Fluff, Father-Daughter Relationship, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Found Family, Not Canon Compliant, YES FLUFF IK ITS A SHOCKER LOL, giving up habits, he figures out he loves his family, loid is a good dad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:27:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,743</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28193163</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/espers770/pseuds/espers770</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Twilight never intended to have a family of his own, but with a daughter and wife comes much responsibility. Now Loid Forger, he gives up his vices and learns how to love for the sake of the two of them. </p><p>Basically the first part about Anya is "Twilight" Loid and the second part about Yor is "Mr. Forger" Loid, and I hope you can understand what I mean after reading it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anya Forger &amp; Loid Forger | Twilight, Anya Forger &amp; Loid Forger | Twilight &amp; Yor Briar Forger | Thorn Princess, Loid Forger | Twilight/Yor Briar Forger | Thorn Princess</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>71</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Coffee &amp; Cigarettes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/missbluesunglasses/gifts">missbluesunglasses</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays @missbluesunglasses !!! I really hope you enjoy this two-shot of sorts where Loid figures out how to show his affection and love his family. To be honest I struggled making this a soft fic as I feel like I'm more adept to writing angst but I still hope its on par with my other fics! In my drive right now are 3 other drafts of fics that never got past the 1500 word mark and all of them have the same premise haha! i hope I chose the right one to continue :) I'm super glad to have you in this fandom!</p><p>https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJpQcych/ &lt;&lt;&lt; here’s a link to gift part two :) it’s an edit</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cigarettes weren’t a favorite of his. Loid didn’t have an addictive personality, he couldn’t afford those types of attachments, but he refused to give up smoking. The taste made him gag and the smoke filling his lungs made him wheeze, but it was a moment just for him. Inhaling that cloud of chemicals gave him some much needed peace. In that second he could focus on the feeling of the smoke spreading through his lungs, deep in his chest, and ignore all else. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>He had been introduced in the academy early on. As a kid he couldn’t spare even a penny toward unnecessary habits like smoking. That changed when he was on the payroll of someone else. His mentor caught him sitting by his lonesome after a terrible loss, said no words and tossed him a single cigarette and a beaten lighter. That night he coughed so much he wanted to disappear, but it took his mind off of everything else: his failures, pain, dead comrades, all vanished as he slowly breathed out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When alone he could allow himself to be selfish, to indulge himself in petty habits.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now he had a few responsibilities. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The day he was given his assignment to start a family he quit smoking. Kids didn’t need that disgusting crap in their lungs and they sure didn’t need to see their guardian, and role model, looking like a thug. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His last cigarette wasn’t a memorable one. He stood outside of some back alley orphanage, that already gave the impression of snot dripping from noses and ratty pajamas, and took his metal cigarette box out of his pocket. It served him well as both a container and as a small radio to communicate with his surveillance. Wordlessly he tapped on the bottom twice in quick succession, paused, and continued with a calculated pace. To others he seemed to be packing the tobacco more tightly but in reality he was saying: “I am here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a flourish of his hand he dragged out the lone cigarette and placed it on his lips. The feeling of the cylinder in his mouth for the last time, for ideally only a year at most, wasn’t forlorn in the slightest. Then and there he imagined himself just tossing it to the ground and walking straight into the building. Something in his past nostalgic self stopped him from doing so. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His lighter, disappointingly, was just as it seemed, no tech-ware was hidden within it. The etching of the owl on its plain metal surface was worn away from years of firm grasping. It was slightly heavy in his hands, pulled down into his palm with the weight of its previous owner, his long dead colleague. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It served him well, but he had no use for the memory any longer. Gently in a gloved hand he pressed the trigger and watched the dancing flame shoot up. Bringing it to his lips he felt no regret for intending to throw it out immediately after. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tossed his pack into the dirt path at his feet and crushed it under the weight of his boot. Loid couldn’t take any risks in case a desperate orphan picked up the gadget that appeared to be harmless and decided to fiddle with it. Once in pieces he kicked it under some loose dust. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His lighter was different, and much more durable than the box that was built with the intention to be thrown away. He held it up to the light to check for any fingerprints, though his were not in any database, and tossed it up and as far away as he could.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Loid didn’t watch its arc and landing in the yellowing grass field to his left, but the reflection of the sun on it’s shiny surface caught his eye for a terse moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first drag from his rapidly burning cigarette felt like all the others he had taken in his life, utterly unremarkable. Hopefully his soon to be child would be the opposite. Loid needed someone motivated and malleable. They didn’t need to be smart, though it would really help, he could handle that along with any social endeavors they’d have to take on. With his skill set he could turn any kid into an imperial scholar with enough time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The puff of smoke he blew from his lips wasn’t flashy, he never cared to learn any tricks for such a stupid pastime. Those who did almost seemed hypocritical, studies just emerged claiming the ill effects of chain smoking and those who scoffed in the face of legitimate facts were idiots. Whether the tobacco or the job killed him Loid could care less. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was enough for him, he was satisfied. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Like the pack that held it just moments before he threw the cigarette butt at his feet after a single drag. The embers exhausted their lives in the dirt, just one step of his loafer forward and all traces of his impact disappeared. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One foot in front of the other, he trained his eyes on the large beaten doors of the orphanage.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once inside the ground beneath him was uncarpeted and frankly disgusting. Sure, the shadier the orphanage the less paperwork he’d have to do erase the kid’s previous life but this was just disappointing. Snot nosed brats looked at him with wide eyes like they’d never seen a man in their life. In all honesty maybe that hadn’t. He dodged grimy excuses for toys and buckets catching water from the ceiling as he made his way toward wherever this obviously drunk sleazeball was taking him.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The smell as he ventured further into the sorry excuse for a house only worsened. It brought back so many awful memories, the sour stench of sweat and smoke combined stirred his stomach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The back of the balding man’s head suddenly halted in the doorway of another room packed to the brim with kids. It was such a shame there was nothing he could do for all of them.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Loid ignored the man’s speaking after he heard the words “smartest,” even if the kid was the most ill mannered in existence he’d take it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But upon seeing her it was a bit...much. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The girl before him was adorable for sure, but there was no way she was a day over four years old. That was way too young to be able to take on the burden of his mission and keep up in classes meant for kids two years older. In a house filled with lonely kids there had to be another option. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Again he was taken aback, almost as if she had read his mind, the little girl with wide green eyes rose to her tippy toes and told him she was six. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even if she weren't, her intelligence surpassed his every expectation and he couldn’t afford to waste any more time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Anya Forger was now his daughter, sans papers, but his daughter nonetheless. The orphanage owner seemed excessively happy upon letting her go, but he was too nauseated by the house's environment to take a more careful look at the situation. There was no way the rest of his mission would go as easily as this but he could relish in the success for now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mindlessly he grasped her tiny hand in his, kids liked that right? And started down the hallway. The atmosphere lightened upon his reappearance to all of those curious faces. The walls still cracked and peeled when meeting the roof and the floor all but splintered underneath his feet, but the children had soft smiles on their faces. In such a suffocating home he’d thought of them as incapable of happiness, like he had once been, but they were good. Children were naturally plain good, they wanted their friend to be happy and that pressure made Loid’s responsibility come crashing back down on his shoulders. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their waving arms and smiling eyes bore into his back as he led Anya out the door. Her nose scrunched as she took in the sunlight and fresh air, he wouldn’t ask when the last time she went outside was. The acrid smell of that smoke filled building still lingered in the air.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No, another sniff told him it was the lingering impression of the cigarette he had lit earlier. She wasn’t his true family, but Loid didn’t wish to give her any reminder of that place from now on. He’d do his best to provide a healthy home for her, even if he had to do it all himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s smoking and why’s it gonna give me poll-you-shun?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Loid had no experience with kids, were they always this perceptive? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about that, ‘poll-you-shun’ is easy to prevent.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His words were crass, but he hoped Anya could understand him. Loid was prepared to lay down his life for the poor kid, she didn’t deserve to be dragged into his mess. His goal in the end was to protect the children, she should be no exception. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not worried.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her small hand grasped his thumb firmly. Loid’s eyes trailed down to the top of her small head and his heart stopped. It was a tinge of affection combined with a large dose of pure fear. She was his responsibility for now till the end of his mission. The fact hadn’t really set in until now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So when can I smoke.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anya </span>
  <b>no</b>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Drinking coffee was one of the only things Loid did everyday without fail. The life of a spy struggling to hang on to his cover persona was naturally spontaneous. Weeks could go by without being assigned a mission then within two days he could be called on six. Not to mention the longstanding nightmare that was Strix, he felt like he was making no progress at all even though he knew all parties were doing their best, it was frustrating.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was also a solution to all of his problems in a cup, albeit a temporary one. Back to back missions running him ragged? With coffee he got that extra boost of energy to tie up his loose ends. Frankie calling him heartbroken in the middle of the night again? Loid would be able to listen to his woes long enough for him to be completely over it. Yuri once again just being a plain handful? Yep, he could even handle that. Anya struggling with her studies? With it he could stay up late even after a long workday to help her. Yor constantly breaking items and furniture in their home? Coffee gave him time late in the night to fix whatever he needed to without embarrassing his wife. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he didn’t enjoy it was much as he used to. Loid only took his coffee black, years of early mornings forced him to prioritize efficacy over taste. Milk and sugar weren’t necessary components to getting that rush of caffeine. Plus they were unhealthy and made him sluggish. Coffee also had a lot of bad effects on his body, but somehow he reached a point where he had to prioritize his country over his health, if he didn’t could he really call himself a spy?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His physique really wasn't what it had been, now he was a tad older and more susceptible to mild heartburn. Nothing he couldn’t handle but it was a nuisance he had to ignore. His teeth were always some shade of yellowish before he reached the hospital, not the ideal for maintaining the popular character that was Loid Forger but he had to manage. Years of drinking made his tolerance increase past it's already insane point. On good days he could drink four cups before feeling any better, it could honestly pass for an addiction.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Coffee apparently made his wife ignore him as well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hated the way he let himself stay up long past a healthy sleep schedule just because he could rely on coffee in the morning. Yor wasn’t tactless per say but he could see her blatant stares whenever his eye bags were particularly noticeable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The night before he had gotten no sleep. He was home at three am after a mission he could hardly call complete. Under intense pressure he had failed to make the transaction without casualties, and Loid was proud of his ability to work whenever the odds were against him. Apparently he no longer had that skill. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And he was out of bed at five am. He didn’t even want to think of how little sleep he got if he had had two total hours at home, including eating, showering, and general household tasks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His feet were hit with a shock wave of dead cold as he placed them firmly on his hardwood floors. He didn’t even rub an eye or yawn, unnecessary motions just took up more of his time that he didn’t have. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Loid was silent making his way around his room to do various tasks. He double checked his alarm, threw on an undershirt, and was out of his door, without making a noise. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The hallway was dark, devoid of all life, and a familiar dreary sight. He spent all of his mornings alone so one could say Twilight was a professional at pushing all of his loneliness deep within his heart. He had family but in the technical sense only, it was all for his mission after all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Anya’s bright eyes and proud smile were for the sake of the world and that only, and Yor’s satisfaction was really just a byproduct of his goal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not a bird chirped as he approached the open doorway leading to the kitchen, the creaking of floorboards was the only morning song. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stopped dead in his tracks when he smelled something familiar. The aroma was distinct and bodied, only calling back to his one vice; coffee. Roasted beans all smelled the same, it was sharp, nutty and addictive. The only thing that snapped him out of his curious trance was the realization he hadn’t made any before going to bed, or he had reached the point of fatigue that gaps had formed in his memory. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The latter wasn’t very likely but he couldn’t count anything out. Loid proceeded forward with more caution, but he didn’t exactly expect an intruder to make themselves a nice cup of joe before pillaging his home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But indeed someone was sitting in the kitchen, seemingly stirring something. His eyes were immediately drawn to the figure’s slim back at the head of the dining table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight didn’t falter, and he never had but the first step he took to further investigate caused a loud squeak to escape from the unsturdy floorboard beneath his foot. It wasn’t like him to make so many mistakes within such a small time span and he was frustrated. In fact Loid was so frustrated he forgot all about the potential evil vulnerable right before him, he had lost the element of surprise. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Loid?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His face that was previously pinched with regret relaxed. The voice was familiar, a soft cadence that flowed like music in his ears. Luckily not the voice of a thief or violent criminal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes Yor? It’s me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stepped out from the shadows and caught his first glimpse of Yor’s face so early in the morning. She looked tired, eye bags evident and skin devoid of its usual bounce and life. Her eyes were dull as she squinted to get a good look at him in the dark. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he approached he took notice of that mug sitting idly in front of her. Like he had assumed it was coffee, a perfect opaque brown and without cream or sugar. It was odd to see the combination of Yor and black coffee, she only drank it when desperate and never without some sweetener. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yor noted his quizzical stare and grabbed the mug in one hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Loid took it and sat down, it honestly left him with more questions than before. Yor never was up this early, today she even had the day off to celebrate Ostanian independence though he didn’t, natural of his psychiatric practice. She should’ve been sleeping in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He took a ginger sip from the cup, in front of his wife he wouldn't guzzle it down like an animal like he usually did. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you up so early?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yor’s expression darkened. It was a look he had never seen on his bubbly wife. Afraid wasn’t nearly enough to describe his reaction at the moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was waiting for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh he was in deep now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Loid, I waited all night for you to come home but you didn’t even greet me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was sweating in his seat, and Yor turned away from him to stare into her hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And then I stay up a mere 30 minutes more and here you are again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her voice became harsher the longer she spoke, and the longer Loid listened the more disappointed in himself he became. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yor I’m so sorry I didn’t see you, I’ve just been so busy lately and…”</span>
  <span></span><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It was all he could do to make excuses. It really wasn’t like him to miss anything in his surroundings, but somehow he had passed by Yor and he really couldn’t forgive himself. Technically they had never made a promise to say goodnight like a real couple, but that didn’t exclude common courtesy. It was so obvious why she was justifiably mad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. Loid, please stop!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes were drawn to her face. He shouldn't have been surprised based on how Yor had a history of catching him at his most distracted moments but he still managed to be. The furrowed brow and slight frown displayed on her face weren’t of anger, but concern. All his work to be a psychiatrist, all his work to read and imitate people to be a spy and he still couldn't grasp what Yor was feeling right away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just wanted to say that I was able to see you come in for the night and still be up by the time you woke up to leave.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her eyes focused on his. It was all Loid could do to lay his soul out bare for her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right, Yor please take care of yourself.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tried to sound kind but it came off with more condescension than he wanted it to. He had no idea what this conversation was even about. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Loid now is not the time to ignore me, you most literally slept for 30 minutes, not even, and now you have to go to work again?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So she was concerned...that was new. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The realization deflated him. All tension left his body at the mere sight of her so focused on him. Loid would be lying if he didn’t want to see Yor even more worried, it was, dare he say, a cute look. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So to the point I made you this coffee because you definitely need it, but you’ve become way too dependent.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Loid couldn’t deny it. His sleep schedule was slowly becoming that of something inhuman. Even he could see that the amount of coffee he consumed daily was unhealthy. Hell, he knew the ill effects, saw them in himself, and chose to ignore them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But burdening his wife with worry for him wasn’t something he intended. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Loid looked down at his reflection in the brown liquid. The man that looked back up at him was even worse for wear than he imagined. Ignoring the distortion from the liquid his eyes still were sunken and his cheeks had a deathlike pallor. His usual bright blue was subdued, he lacked motivation. It was enough for him to snap out of his trance. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without looking up from his coffee Loid whispered in Yor’s general direction, whether she heard him or not he did not know. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If it's for you,” he sighed directly into his mug, “I guess I don’t mind quitting.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And he meant every word. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The embarrassment settled in immediately after. He must have looked like such a fool. He showed Yor sides of him he never wanted her to see; irritable, off-guard, absolutely idiotic, it was shameful. Loid had half a mind to apologize to her for just existing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He opened his mouth without a clue of what he wanted to say and lifted his head to face his wife. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Immediately after catching sight of her his gaping mouth closed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sun had already begun rising in the window behind his head. Until now he hadn’t noticed but rays of yellowish light caressed Yor’s face. Her eyes almost glowed; they looked so vibrant that dreary morning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yor’s profile was perfect, the slight slope of her nose, her plush lips and long eyelashes. She was the picture of beauty with a killer smile and unknowing charms. Somehow this woman had gotten caught in his mess, and he was forever apologetic. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Loid felt his eyes soften just looking at her for mere seconds, it was an unfamiliar feeling to be so utterly enamored with someone. Yor’s charisma drew him in and had yet to loosen its grasp on his chest by a smidgen. He barely was able to stop himself from grinning like an idiot, it wouldn’t help how stupid he already had looked in front of her. He was a grown man who needed his wife’s assistance to give up a stupid beverage. Just maybe he couldn’t sink any lower and he could allow himself a small smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His heart stopped when that ruby gaze was directed at him. He was caught red handed staring like a twelve year old just discovering that girls exist. Yor’s apparent blush and eyes wide with surprise told him he couldn’t make an excuse for watching so intently. Loid thought she'd be a little mad, or maybe more embarrassed, but she just took a deep look at him instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yor’s eyes also relaxed at the corners and twitched upwards. Without lowering his gaze to the rest of her face he could tell she was smiling. Her rosy cheeks didn’t stop glowing though the moment of shock had long passed. Her round lips thinned into an effortless smile, one he couldn’t get used to but had seen on so many occasions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t help but stare. Loid knew very well that look of love that was always focused on him, from the joy swelling in his heart he could tell he was reciprocating that same mirthful expression. </span>
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